let go...

Why is it so hard to let go and let God?

As posts in the past have suggested I am finding it hard to ‘find a future’ for myself. At the beginning of this year I started at an adult school with the intensions of gaining a TER and a position in the vet science course at uni. Well a lot has happened since then...

After just a term back at school I decided (rightly or wrongly), that it wasn’t for me. I pulled out of my classes and went back to a minimum wage income at my job of 6 years. Don’t get me wrong I love working there. It’s such a friendly atmosphere and I have been blessed with the best boss you could ever ask for; but it’s not a career.

So were to now? I have a passion for children and youth, and for animals. The saying goes don’t work with children and/ or animals, but the truth is that's all I could ever imagine doing. So all I need to do is find a career that encompasses one or both of these passions, right? And fits perfectly into my preconceived idea of the perfect career, right? Well somehow I don't think it's as easy as that.

I may have omitted the fact that I also have a passion for God and serving Him. But what does that look like? I don’t know. And to be completely honest I'm scared to find out.

See I am scared that if I LET GO of my preconceived ideas and what the world tells me is a suitable career, and a healthy enough pay packet. And LET GOD take reign over my future, guide my path, challenge me in ways I never thought possible; then well I wouldn’t be in control.

This is and has been a huge struggle of mine for many years. I am a self admitted control freak who NEEDS to learn that GOD SHOULD be in control, and I am simply the vessel He MAY choose to use. My hopes and dreams pale in significance when it comes to what the Lord can achieve with a willing, eager, and faithful vessel.

Why should I conform to the ways of the world, their actions and their way for thinking? Should I not break free of the strong hold of this worldly thinking and be set a flight by the power, might and strength of GOD? And dare to dream the impossible, because through Him the impossible is made possible; if we have faith and we are in accordance with His will; A will that we will never know about if we don’t have a relationship with Him.