but those who wait...

In the last few months nothing has go according to plan... well not according to my plans anyways.

I felt and still feel like I have no direction. Like a lowly drop of rain in the vast ocean. The end of the year is approaching quickly and the second year of my internship will be coming to a close. And I have no idea what I will be doing next year.

My first plan of action was to work as a chaplain naturally (as that is what I am doing in the internship). I applied for job, after job, after job and eventually I got an interview at a small country primary school, it seemed perfect. It was everything I wanted in a 'real job'. Unfortunately I did not get the job. After some disappointment, and some prayer I realised that the amount of responsibility a Christian chaplain has in a non-Christian school far exceeded my expectations and abilities.

So... After a lot of crying, confusion and then eventually prayer, I though I could persue my dream as a child... to be a Veterinarian. My love of animals and of the country seemed to go hand in hand, Dr. Stephanie the country Vet. (has a nice ring to it). On further investigation it was a little harder to get into Vet Science at uni then just applying... I had to take a bridging course and sit a test before I could even apply, and on top of that the course was for 6 years, and I was unsure that I would be willing to sacrifice that 6 years to study. So there goes plan #2.

It wasn't only my career that seemed to be veering from 'my plan', it was all other aspects of my life:
I crashed my car and spent the money I had saved for my new love, a beautiful dapple grey horse on fixing my sad smashed up car. Thanks to a friend it didn't end up costing nearly as much as it coulda/shoulda.
Also I allowed myself to fall for a guy, a charming American who had a passion for Christ, and a common interest in horse riding. It would of all turned out happily ever after... except he went back to America. we kept in contact for a while then one day he stopped, and that's when my heart started to ache. See not only did i loose 'the guy' and a riding partner but I also lost a really good friend.

Amidst all this while a good friend was praying with me, a verse he quoted, one that I had heard countless times before rang true.

"But those who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength,
they will rise on wings like eagles,
they will run and not get weary, they will walk and not grow weak."

Isaiah 40:31

But those who wait ...
I had been too concerned with 'but Steph wants now,' I had, and am still sometimes now, looking for the security of the career, the relationships and the things I have now, not focusing on the bigger picture, putting my dependence in God. The Create of the universe, the Knower of all. The One whom if I wait upon Him will give me the strength, endurance and ability to run the race He has set before me.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord
"Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."

Jeremiah 19:11

I still find it hard not knowing, not been in the drivers seat. (For those who know me, you would know I am a bit of a control freak). But I've taken to praying and waiting on God instead of stressing and sulking about the lostness of control.

I don't know what my future holds but God does, so as He keeps me informed, I'll keep you updated.