let go...

Why is it so hard to let go and let God?

As posts in the past have suggested I am finding it hard to ‘find a future’ for myself. At the beginning of this year I started at an adult school with the intensions of gaining a TER and a position in the vet science course at uni. Well a lot has happened since then...

After just a term back at school I decided (rightly or wrongly), that it wasn’t for me. I pulled out of my classes and went back to a minimum wage income at my job of 6 years. Don’t get me wrong I love working there. It’s such a friendly atmosphere and I have been blessed with the best boss you could ever ask for; but it’s not a career.

So were to now? I have a passion for children and youth, and for animals. The saying goes don’t work with children and/ or animals, but the truth is that's all I could ever imagine doing. So all I need to do is find a career that encompasses one or both of these passions, right? And fits perfectly into my preconceived idea of the perfect career, right? Well somehow I don't think it's as easy as that.

I may have omitted the fact that I also have a passion for God and serving Him. But what does that look like? I don’t know. And to be completely honest I'm scared to find out.

See I am scared that if I LET GO of my preconceived ideas and what the world tells me is a suitable career, and a healthy enough pay packet. And LET GOD take reign over my future, guide my path, challenge me in ways I never thought possible; then well I wouldn’t be in control.

This is and has been a huge struggle of mine for many years. I am a self admitted control freak who NEEDS to learn that GOD SHOULD be in control, and I am simply the vessel He MAY choose to use. My hopes and dreams pale in significance when it comes to what the Lord can achieve with a willing, eager, and faithful vessel.

Why should I conform to the ways of the world, their actions and their way for thinking? Should I not break free of the strong hold of this worldly thinking and be set a flight by the power, might and strength of GOD? And dare to dream the impossible, because through Him the impossible is made possible; if we have faith and we are in accordance with His will; A will that we will never know about if we don’t have a relationship with Him.

even the small things

Please bear with me as I'm catching up on all my posts all in the same day. The words just float in my head until I have a spare moment to sit down and type them.

So this amazing thing happened the other day, but I have to back track a little so it makes sense to those not living in my head.

I don't know if I have previously mentioned that have started studying at school this year, but I have. And I was really nervous about the whole thing. I've been out of school for two years now and I am going back to fulfil the prerequisites to go to uni and become a vet. The school I'm at is an adult campus so there's people there from all age groups. So fitting in was a concern of mine considering I wasn't so great at that the first time I went through school.

Anyways long story short I told a friend about my concerns and she prayed for me. She prayed that I would find a friend especially a christian one.

There is this girl from my math class who I kinda started to talk to; I mean we would sit at the same table at lunch and read our books and magazines, and exchange just a few words here and there.

Then the other day at lunch she came and sat with me at the table, we got talking (she wants to be a lawyer) and I found out that she is a christian.

The Lord is good and answers prayers (no matter how small).
Some times we need to be reminded of how awesome our God is and how much He cares for us.

For Him

I guess at the end of last year I was a little confused about what the future held for me; now for those of you who know me, you have probably worked out that I'm a bit of a control freak. So not knowing my plans for the new year really bothered me. I winged and wined (I would say talked, but we all know it was more likely that I actually winged) about this to my 'mentors' on more then one occasion and eventually got the message that God knows my future.

This is the verses that popped up a few times...

John 10:27-28 My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand.

After a lot of prayer whinging, researching, reading 'Cure for the common life, Max Lucado', Praying, talking to 'wise' friends, applying and more praying... I came to the conclusion that god had put a desire for animals and their welfare in my heart for just this reason ... to be a vet. (Dr. Steph) has a nice ring to it.

Ever since I was 7 I wanted to be a vet, I looked up to Dr. Harry Cooper, on his TV show Harry's Practice, and had the pleasure of meeting him once. I loved all animals of every description, big or small, wet and slimy or dry and prickly, you name it... (all but spiders).

But somewhere along the line my life became crowded with other desires. Children and the desire to serve God, had me leading youth group and a Sunday school class, and interning at the church and school. Don't get me wrong the past two years of my life have been full of challenges and blessings, and lots of growth both personally and spiritually.

So at the end of 2009 when it came to assessing my life and setting a future path, I was at a loss, I had know idea what to do with out the identity of "Stephanie the Craigmore intern, dependable, reliable, and at your service". But God knew, He knew all along that I needed those two years to grow in Him, and he new that at this time in my life I was ready to walk the path He had set for me...even if I was a little oblivious to it at the start.

I am currently a few weeks into term 1 at Para West Adult Campus studying Maths Studies, Chemistry and Creative textiles. Heading for a TER of 93+ to enroll at uni for veterinary science. It's hard work and most days I try and go it alone, but I know that I cannot do this in my own strength but it is the Lord alone that can get me through. And when I am a vet it will be because of Him and for Him.